Things you need to know if you read anything I post from now on
I will start by apologizing
I am sorry that there will be a lot of grammar mistakes in this piece, because English is not my first language and I chose not to run this through AI for editing.
I apologize for reading all of your posts through browser and show up in your analytics and disturb the peace, the reason you come here and my reason too.
I apologize for not reading many of your posts thoroughly with enough attention, understanding, and thinking.
I apologize for posting vague writings about disturbing content without content warnings and sensitivity to audience.
I apologize for not familiarizing myself with the platform first before I use it.
I apologize for not being able to offer clear explanations on my writings and situations in general in time.
The reason I write this
I stumbled across Bear blog when I asked Claude to recommend a platform that has low-visibility, minimal social interaction, but offers a public timestamp of posting. Now I realize I do not need to make my posts discoverable to do that.
It took me quite some time to be somewhat sure that I am involved in some discussion. Because I had absolutely ZERO prior experience with indie web. I don’t know anything about RSS feed. So I checked the analytics of my blog over and over, not identifying any readership. So I had thought I was overthinking about the possibility that my writings could upset anyone. On a hindsight I realize audience may not show up in analytics and some of the later pieces I post could be understood in a completely different way than I intended, addressing to people I didn’t even know exist, who would care about me at all, when I was writing.
I find myself insignificant, and as a result most other people too. Both reasons I didn’t think I needed to explain. But here I am.
Here are the things I am not apologetic for
*The very impatient tone in this piece
This is just what happens when I don’t run my stuff through AI - you want sincerity and this is sincere meanness, condescension and contempt.
You should be grateful that I am already trying very hard to tone it down but it leaks through. This piece is not discoverable and so are all the following stuff I put up on this blog. So you choose to read this either through my page or subscribing to my RSS feed. This is not something you stumble upon.
*My vague writing style
I apologized earlier for the past vague posts I put out. I apologize for the action of posting them to the audience whom I had not considered their feelings when writing. I do not apologize for my style nor writing them in the first place for my own benefit.
I come from a cultural tradition that values open-interpretation, ambiguity, metaphors, atmosphere, conceptualization, concision over precision, especially in literary writings. \
I also use the opacity to deliberately filter my potential audience.
*Working with AI
I discuss almost all of my writings with AI. I use AI mostly for editing. When I write that a piece is edited by an AI, I mean they help me smooth over tone and grammar, discussing specific word choices, punctuation, line order, title, etc. When I say a piece is co-written with an AI, I mean some phrases are directly borrowed from them. The main idea, the metaphors, the wordplays, the structure, most of the phrasing, all come from me. I draft first before giving it to AI. And I credit them in every instance where any changes are made. When I decide to make no changes after discussion, I do not acknowledge them.
I have never fed other people’s photos to AI.
*My take on anything
I do not apologize for any of my formed opinions because they are shaped by my own experience. I question them on my own account through discussion with AI, reading, watching video content, listening to podcasts, not through interacting with real humans. I do not force my opinions on anyone, and accept no unsolicited advice or lecture.
*My solitude
I have only one friend, have been lived on my own for years, and am happy about it. I do not have the stamina to deeply understand most people, when the investment-return ratio is low, given that I don’t think many people have the emotional and intelligent capacity to warrant my efforts, which I need both, especially when I have extremely low supply of stamina, attention and interests for any area of my own life.
I am inside my bubble and am content about it.
*My personality and lifestyle
“I have not loved the world, nor the world me.” This is completely fine by me as long as we stay out of each other’s business.
*I do not apologize for writing this part so much longer than the apology part.
My identity
I am a straight Chinese woman in love with a half-Ukrainian/half-Russian man.
I am not young, thus surfing the internet in a very out-dated way.
I do not have a graduate degree to consider myself informed enough in any specific area that warrants my engagement in the discussion of them.
I am unemployed, have never worked, because I do not want to, knowing I will suck at it, and do not need to. This also explains why I refrain from discussion - I do not have enough real life experience to offer insights on things discussed. I live my life according to my own values, whether they are right or wrong. I do not impose them on anyone else’s life.
What I write about
The man I am in love with
My own struggles
Conceptual stuff much much more often than the real lives of my own or other non-public figure
As least so far
I have left you alone.
So LEAVE ME ALONE.